Along with her, I tasted the bitterness of acting upon what I believed God desired of me. I knew what it was to follow that path of obedience and see my life implode even as I yearned to do more in his creation. The path behind me is now littered with the debris of my efforts. Ahead, I see the path of others attaining my milestones with out breaking a physical, emotional, or spiritual sweat. So, when she weeps over the same reality, I know her pain. Some of those folks look back and beckon while assuring us that the path is easy. Yes, I understood each tear that dripped unashamedly down my sobbing friend's cheeks.
I have looked at the chaos of my life while the fraidy cat whispers, "See! The path has been easy for them! They were meant to be! You? You can't even wrestle your way up into the lap of the God who created you. He's always swatting you aside for the prettier girl with the magical faith and 'picturesque-implication-of-a stress-free kind of life' blog." My soul screams, as does my friend's, to know that your God loves me as much as he loves you. We put on our masks and pretend we are just like you. But we are fraidy cats.
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I thought of how weary Christians can make each other. I knew that when we left the haven of the coffee shop, I wanted her to feel safer and more energized than she did when we arrived. I gently explained that tho' I wished it so, I did not have the voice of God for her that day. And, even tho' I knew her pain as intimately as I knew my own, I knew that God loved her. Then, because we needed a laugh, I said, "I have it on pretty good authority that he loves YOU more than he loves me!"
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In the days since we laced our coffee with tears, my phone has buzzed. The text display reads, "God called. He wanted you to know he loves YOU more than me!" And, we laugh together because we don't need a mask anymore. I pray for my friend. And, when I do, these words echo thru the chambers of my heart:
"For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." Ephesians 2:10 (NIV)
"I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:3-6 (NIV)
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