The Co-ed in the Corner - a Story of Messy Faith

Picturesque implication of a stress free life . . . . 

Don’t let slicked up televangelists in designer clothes fool you when they tell you how easy faith is. Not everyone who embraces faith will live on Easy Street.

Some of us – we live in the trenches on the battlefield of faith. We live there every day. Trench warfare faith means putting one foot in front of the other and just doing the next thing.

It means clinging to faith when clinging no longer makes sense. We cling when clinging hurts and costs us something.  

When was the last time you ran and where? 

I’ve been in those trenches. In fact, if I could have run away today, I would have run all the way to New Mexico before I stopped running. It’s been that kinda week.

Today, I ran as far as I could which was all the way to the local deli. I had plans to batten down the hatches, lick my wounds, and ignore the world while I buried myself in words.

Life has been too untamed to corral this last month. So, words were overdue and ready to spill out of me onto my keyboard. I determined to ignore the world until I exhausted my cathartic words.

Little snatches of conversation floated onto my auditory radar screen but vanished into nothingness until I heard her voice.

.

Courtesy of/in loving memory of Christina Jones Hooker - on her birthday

“I hate it here. All I’ve done is stare at the walls today. I’m so bored.”

I looked up thinking she must be a local college student stuck on campus for spring break until she mentioned her Sergeant. Then, I listened closer even as I tried not to be an old stalker lady – the kind who talks to herself and collects bony cats.

I busied myself with my own business again until I realized her phone call was over. Our eyes met when I looked up at her.

“May I intrude and ask you a question?”

Courtesy Mad Penguin Creative

A shy smile didn’t cover the hesitation in her eyes. “Yes?”

“Are you in the military?” I asked even though I suspected she was fulfilling her two week National Guard assignment. She confirmed my assumption.

I could have never guessed she was a veteran of four years and has already served in Afghanistan. She was young enough to be my daughter. No older than my son, I was sure.

My heart broke with an ache I cannot describe. Conversation began to flow as I told her how much I appreciated her courage and thanked her for her sacrificial service.

In bits and snatches she told me about her plans and dreams. Those are changing as the military endures funding cuts. Disappointment shadowed her features. Life is not fair.  

We talked about her once-a-month commute of one-thousand miles. A transfer to a unit in her home state can’t come soon enough. Maybe then she can have the surgery to correct an injury she received in theater?

Courtesy Mad Penguin Creative

I hesitate and slowly stutter out the words, “Are you a person of faith?”  

She nods, “Somewhat. I believe everything happens for a reason, and people are put in your life for a reason.”

Tears begin to glisten at the corners of her eyes as she shrugs unsure of where to go from there.  

I think of all the folks bustling by as she sat huddled in the corner. To them, she had been just another co-ed killing time on a rainy Saturday.

I think of my plans to run away from life for just a few hours. All the time, what I was really doing was running to.

Courtesy Mad Penguin Creative

“A man plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps.” The words of Proverbs 16:9 echoed in my ears nearly drowning out her voice. 

This day had not really been about running away and writing at all.

Before I was ready, I knew life was moving her along to other places and people. 

“How,” I asked, “may I pray for you?”

She hesitated. I could see tears begin to glisten again. Was there something she was afraid to say? Did my request hit too close to home? Had I intruded too far and become the stalker I had feared I might seem?

The answer slipped from her lips along with a request of her own. “Could I . . . could I hug you?”  

I stood and met her halfway. I tried not to cling like a mother sending her child off to war, but boy was it hard. I whispered a promise that my prayers would follow her, and I asked her to stay in touch.

As she turned to pack away her things and head off to meet some friends, she turned back to me. “I’m so glad I met you. I’m really so glad.”

Then, mine were the tears that glistened. In a few seconds, she was gone. I might have wondered if she had ever really been there but for her email address recorded safely on my phone.

Despite my messy life and messy faith, God let me run away for just a little while because I was really running to the appointment he had ordained when he threw the stars in space.

And tonight, I have breathed a prayer just as I promised. Trench faith is amazing faith. Don’t be afraid to embrace it.

Courtesy B. Creasy - 2010

Hebrews 13:1-2 (NKJV)
Let brotherly love continue. Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some have unwittingly entertained angels.

Ephesians 2:10 (NLT)
For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.

My 20/20 Vision for Your Road Ahead (Pt 1)

Courtesy T. Parker

I remember the days from the trenches when the future yawned farther than I could see. I still have moments of wonder and uncertainty. As of today, five hundred forty-six days and counting till our last graduation. (But, who's counting?) There ought to be a hearty, “Yee-haw!” in there somewhere, but the rejoicing kinda sticks in my throat.

With the 20/20 precision of hindsight, I find myself perusing the past. I'm thinking about what worked and what didn't. Wondering about the newer bells and whistles homeschool publishers are producing and wishing there had been more time. Mostly, I am looking for God's handiwork as he wove it in and out of our days.

Lots of things have changed over the course of my homeschooling career. Our community has grown up. We toddled and stumbled as we worked to get our schooling-at-home legs under us. Back in the day, we clung to each other and moved as a group. Local Yahoo loops facilitated our connections. Mom's meetings were all the rage.

Courtesy T. Parker

As time moved on, we started to feel less interdependent and struck out on our own. We left behind pre-packaged curricula and abandoned Yahoo loops for co-ops, blogs, Facebook groups, and online classes. Look at us go! And grow. We can do it all by ourselves now. On the good days. When we are in the trenches, not so much.

With the beginning and end of each academic year, we reassess where we've been and where we're going. We wait for God to show us the end result when we aren't even sure of the next step. Faith calls us on despite our hindered vision.

In that regard, we are like every other mom out there whether a stay- at-home, homeschooler or a mom working full-time outside the home. Whatever our schooling choice, we all wonder the same things in different ways. What will the end look like, and how can I get there from here?

Courtesy Mad Penguin Creative

Before homeschooling was the cool new trend detailed in the Washington Post or Wall Street Journal, I felt conspicuous and odd. I told myself I was ahead of my time, but I felt like the gawky, awkward teen destined to be a misfit and always prone to public ridicule.

I kept waiting for God to give me a sign that we could march in step with all the ones lined up to go to 'regular' school. I wanted so much to be one of the bigger, more popular gang. In his wisdom, he never opened those doors. And now, as I look back on where we've been, I understand the journey and appreciate the gift.

I think tonight of what I wish someone had told me when I was in the trenches with no end in sight. I want you to know now what I wish I had known then.

1. 

   Courtesy A. Squi

   It is ok to be different. God created your children with a unique purpose in mind. Ephesians 2:10 is a great reminder when the sense of being on display nags at you. 
    
2. He will equip you to foster their gifts and equip them to fulfill his purpose. (Hebrews 13:21)

3. As you trust him, he will confirm your path and bring along helpers to bolster you in the journey. (Psalm 32:8)

4. It is ok to be transparent and ask for help when you are struggling. (Proverbs 15:22)

5. You do not have to have all the answers - not even for today much less for next year. (Hebrews 11:1)

Courtesy B. Creasy 2010

As I look back over the last fifteen years, I can see how each of these truths was real even when I was at the mercy of many internal fraidy cats. You know, the ones that keep you up at night wondering if you can get up and do this one. more. day.
 

Come back tomorrow, fellow fraidy cat. Whether you've homeschooled for a decade or are wrestling with the decisions over when and how to begin the journey, I'll have a story to tell just for you. Take a peek at our homeschooling journey. See where we've been and where we are poised to go because of it. I'm amazed, and I think you will be too!