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| Courtesy A. Hughes |
It's
that time of year again. Store aisles are crammed with back to school
supplies. Retailers sell those at a frenzied pace so Christmas stock
can prematurely fill the shelves again. In homes throughout the land,
the air crackles with anticipation.
No
matter what schooling option you embrace, this time of year lends
itself to apprehension and re-evaluation. Will my child get 'the
right' teacher? Has he or she lost gains made last year during summer
downtime? How in the world am I going to navigate three carpool lines
at the same time!
For
the homeschooler, the questions have a different slant, but the
categories of worry are universal. Will I be the teacher my child
needs? Are we on track with what the rest of the world is doing, or
should I be doing more faster? How in the world will I teach three
children in three different grades and tend to a roaming toddler on
the loose?
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| 2012 |
In
our home, we've begun the count down to graduation. As of today, five
hundred thirty-seven to go. O.K. I've started the countdown. My 10th
grader is mostly oblivious and only cares about the number of hours
left in today's school day.
I
began to feel the future coming last year this time and panic rose.
All I've been, maybe all I know how to be, is a homeschooling mom.
When I am done, it will be who I've been for eighteen years.
This
past week, I visited our local homeschooling supply store. Many
years, it's been my home away from home. I count the former owners as
my extended 'family'. The matriarch and I reminisced and
commiserated. She has said goodbyes to so many as one family after
another graduated their last. I will join those numbers. It is sad -
that future I see coming.
I
laughed about all the 'new stuff' I wouldn't get to explore and how
my visits are few and far between now. I wondered aloud how it will
feel when I don't have the answers to questions posed by those coming
along behind me. Time moves on, and we move with it. I tell myself
that's a good thing, but I am already in a race with time. I'm trying
to redefine me before the inevitable gets here.
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| Courtesy Mad Penguin Creative |
I
think of you. For now, I am still in the trenches with you. Some days
the trench is deeper than others, but I see the end of the ditch up
ahead. I see you wrestling with an unknown future like blindfolded
fish swimming upstream. I hear the questions echoing in your soul.
Am I smart enough? What if we've made the wrong decision, and everyone else is right? Maybe we should just throw in the towel and swim with the rest of the fish who know where they are going. When the future gets here, will my children thank me? Will I take a deep sigh of relief as I watch them fly, or will I drown in despair if they flounder to find their footing in an ever more fraidy cat world? Oh, the questions that haunt us are many as the voice of doubt courts our souls.
Am I smart enough? What if we've made the wrong decision, and everyone else is right? Maybe we should just throw in the towel and swim with the rest of the fish who know where they are going. When the future gets here, will my children thank me? Will I take a deep sigh of relief as I watch them fly, or will I drown in despair if they flounder to find their footing in an ever more fraidy cat world? Oh, the questions that haunt us are many as the voice of doubt courts our souls.
Some
of us will, for compelling and appropriate reasons, alter the course
of our schooling choices. Homeschoolers will join the ranks of the
traditional schoolers. The naysayers who gasped in horror at the very
thought of schooling at home will realize the choice is not so
foreign after all. As parents, we will do the best we can as seasons
of life change from one to another.
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| Courtesy Mad Penguin Creative |
I
think of all the years I wondered what you are wondering now. I think
of all the days I fretted and worried. In my blindfolded state while
floundering through uncharted waters, I held the hand of the one who
knew the future before I knew my children. I reminded him I was
schooling the gift he had given me to steward for only a season and
cried out for him to perfect my feeble efforts. And now, I have a
glimpse of what I could not see in my seasons of doubt and fear. The
journey was worth it.
He
is there in the midst of your indecision and fear. As this new school
year begins, no matter what your schooling choice, remember: he will
hold your hand. All you have to do is ask.
Psalm 32:8 (NIV) I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my loving eye on you.
Psalm 32:8 (NIV) I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my loving eye on you.
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| Courtesy B. Creasy 2010 |
