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| Courtesy Mad Penguin Creative |
Hush now. Gather round. I’ve got a story to tell about redemption
and forgiveness. Redemption I hoped would never come. Forgiveness I never
wanted to extend. And the worst, most miserable and embarrassing day of my
life.
That oughta be juicy enough for you to shut off Facebook and Pinterest
for a while, huh?
I’ve lived in this house four long years now. When I got here, I thought it was God’s answer to loss and abandonment. I thought it was a Heavenly version of HGTV: Restoration Jesus Style. If you’ve followed along for a while, you know how that dream turned to a nightmare in no time flat.
It wasn’t enough that the economy failed leaving us at
risk of losing a home and enjoying a second foray into homelessness. Nope. God
wasn’t finished with me even then.
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| 2008 |
I walked up and down this cul-de-sac asking God to let
these new neighbors become friends. I envisioned tea, scones, and Bible studies
around my dining room table. Then, life became bitter without the sweet.
I changed after we moved here. I changed because of
bullying. I watched my happy-go-lucky son with a George Lucas-like imagination
dry up and die on the vine at the hands of bullies.
I’d stand at the window and watch – desperately praying
for God to give my son the skill to meet his challenges. I was loathe to
intervene lest I be accused of being one of ‘those’ homeschooling helicopter
moms.
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| Courtesy A. Squires |
They were four years older. The deck was never stacked
in his favor.
He changed. Rage filled him. He became dishonest, foul-mouthed, and disrespectful. In the worst of days, I was afraid we’d lost him forever. I thought there was no way he’d ever come back to us.
He spent long hours outdoors and was thrilled to find a creek in the backyard. After the bullying started in earnest, he vacillated between spending weeks and weeks indoors with taking a chance on going outside.
He changed. Rage filled him. He became dishonest, foul-mouthed, and disrespectful. In the worst of days, I was afraid we’d lost him forever. I thought there was no way he’d ever come back to us.
He spent long hours outdoors and was thrilled to find a creek in the backyard. After the bullying started in earnest, he vacillated between spending weeks and weeks indoors with taking a chance on going outside.
If it was a good day, he
came in calm and happy. If it was a bad day, life was literally hell on earth.
I knew I’d hit almost rock bottom when I could no
longer bring myself to look up as a car passed while I was in the yard. The
folks I prayed to meet were now the ones I wanted to avoid at all cost.
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| Courtesy Mad Penguin Creative |
All I
wanted was to get off this God-forsaken street. God blocked every avenue of
escape even when my husband found work out of state after a five month layoff.
I hit rock bottom on a day like any other. Son #2 decided to give the kids another chance. While he’d had a lot stomped out of him figuratively, relentless optimism egged him on. I held my breath and waited trying not to watch. I tried to give God my burden. Something in my gut knew trouble was afoot.
Even now, I burn hot and tremble remembering how long I let it go on. He was not in physical danger, but the emotional beating was more than I could bear another second of another minute of another day.
I hit rock bottom on a day like any other. Son #2 decided to give the kids another chance. While he’d had a lot stomped out of him figuratively, relentless optimism egged him on. I held my breath and waited trying not to watch. I tried to give God my burden. Something in my gut knew trouble was afoot.
Even now, I burn hot and tremble remembering how long I let it go on. He was not in physical danger, but the emotional beating was more than I could bear another second of another minute of another day.
He'd saved money for a laminator and made ID cards for
some friends. The bullies were mocking him as they played keep away with one of
the cards. He was nearly beside himself. He was calm compared to me.
I flew out the door screaming like a banshee. In an
instant I decided to use language I knew they’d understand. I was no longer the
‘safety patrol mom’ as they had so mockingly called me behind my back.
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| Courtesy Mad Penguin Creative |
Anger shook me so hard my voice trembled as I spat out
my message. Any remaining dreams of warm and fuzzy social teas died in
the fire of my rage that day.
Three long years have passed. I have never spoken to any of those now college-aged children again. My family and I did what we could to mop up the damage and prayed the light would come back into our son’s eyes.
Three long years have passed. I have never spoken to any of those now college-aged children again. My family and I did what we could to mop up the damage and prayed the light would come back into our son’s eyes.
Often, I did what I knew I had to do. I’m telling you
the ugly truth now: I did it through gritted teeth and a burned out heart.
Oh, fraidy cat, you’ve never seen me like this before
have you? I’d never seen me like that either. I can’t wait to tell you the rest
of this story.
Since I know you love a cliffhanger, see you tomorrow
Luke 6:28 (Amplified Bible)
Invoke blessings upon and pray for the happiness of
those who curse you, implore God’s blessing (favor) upon those who abuse you
[who revile, reproach, disparage, and high-handedly misuse you].
To read the original story of how bullying affected our family, click here: Fear and Loathing in the HoodTo read Part 2 of Redemption and Forgiveness, click here
Redemption and Forgiveness - Pt. 2
To read the original post about our move to this house, click here:
