 |
| Courtesy Mad Penguin Creative |
I
was easing the car down the street so that my best friend could walk
along beside me. Reality was closing in around us. We were sobbing. I
was moving far away. It just wasn't fair. We had so much left to do
and say.
You
know when you meet someone and have the feeling that they've always
been, and will always be, with you? We laughed at each other without
needing a punch line. All I had to do was see her eyes shift in a new
direction. I'd follow the silent signal and know without asking what
I was supposed to see and why. Most times, it meant one of two
things: “Day-LAW! Can you believe what I just saw?” or “Wait!
Don't laugh till it's safe!” That's the kind of friends we were. It
took less than a year which is all we had.
 |
| Courtesy Mad Penguin Creative |
Fourteen
years later, I feel the rupture that tore through my heart as I
watched her disappear in the rear view mirror. When I think of her
last gift, my tears do just what they did then. They mingle with
laughter that overwhelms the tears.
That
curtain-of-time lifting breeze brushes across my neck. I feel the car
stop one last time. She steps up, lays her hand on the window, and
leans in as if daring me to roll it up and drive away. Her 'evil'
grin is alight with mischief. “Do me one favor, ya hear? Find that
first friend. Make it. Get it over with and move on. 'Cause you and
me both know that first friend is gonna be a weirdo you need to get
shed of quick as you can!” (In case you wonder, she had been
friend #2 that year.)
Pain
gave way to momentary glee as we both doubled over in laughter. She
had traced my tendency to make fast, first friends with folks who
turned out to be rather less than dependable. Double-minded you might
say. I was stunned. From the outside looking in, it was as plain as
day. Ignorance is bliss till fast made friendships come to
disappointing conclusions.
So
it was that the phone rang over the next few months, and I would hear
the giggle that matched the evil grin. “Made that first friend yet
and moved on to number two?” I don't think either of us knew how
helpful that insight would be as time moved on. Now that I think of
it, she and God both look out for me when it comes to relationships.
In
the intervening years, I have sometimes been perplexed by God's soft
but insistent tap upon my shoulder. It was if he'd say, “That one
there...beware. As good as things look on the outside, not all is as
it seems. Beware. Do not pursue that friendship no matter how
inviting nor how Godly it may appear. Beware.”
Friady
cats do not often 'beware' very well. In fact, when given a choice,
we will decide that any social disconnect is because of our own
inadequacies. We will deny evidence to the contrary, including the
voice of God whispering in our ears. Especially if the social
connection represented seems to glitter like gold.
 |
| Courtesy Mad Penguin Creative |
I
heard the cautions when they came. Yet, I was loathe to hear and
OBEY. In each case, everyone LIKED the person about whom I sensed the
caution. I was the only one who seemed to be getting the memo from
God. It was high school all over again. I was watching the popular
girl who served as the linchpin of the popular crowd. I was not in
her crowd. Nothing I could do would get me there either...especially
if I obeyed God's quiet voice saying, “Beware.”
If
I could just squirm my way into the the fray, my life would glitter
like gold as well. If I couldn't, I told myself it was me. I did not
glitter nor was I gold. I was a misfit destined to stand on the
outside looking in. The only one left to sit and wonder why there was
no place for me in that inner circle of fun.
 |
| Courtesy M. Horrocks |
His
caution was never as funny, and always lonelier, than the one my
laughter loving friend spoke over me as I left town. With each
occasion, the choice to ignore the warning brought pain and confusion
because all that glitter was counterfeit. I should have listened.
Instead, I hedged my bets and kept on trying to be the girl that
glittered just enough to be one of the in-crowd.
It's
happened again just recently. This time, however, I did a better job
of stepping away in time. Oh, yea. The voice in my head told me what
a loser I was and how everyone else but me was having fun. I guess
I'm getting older and wiser because I refused to yield to my own
insecurities. I put up wobbly boundaries and decided to listen AND
obey. The loneliness was razor sharp and never went away.
God
doesn't always confirm our decisions – even the hard ones. This
time, in his mercy, he did. He let me stumble upon a situation that
unveiled my longed for counterfeit glitter in all its cunning,
deceptive glory. He reassured me that a double-minded man is unstable
in all his ways including the ways of friendship.
 |
| Courtesy M. Horrocks |
What
about you, fraidy cat? Does that same voice caution you? Some call it
conscience; others call it intuition. Do you discount the voice and
choose to believe you are the misfit? Would you sacrifice your soul
to fit in even when God's quiet voice says, “Run?” Oh, fraidy
cat, may the day come when we hear his voice and understand his
caution as easily as we understand the friend who can communicate
volumes without ever uttering a word of explanation.
Love
you long and strong. Come again soon. All fraidy cats are welcome
here, especially those who believe they are the misfits always
destined to be on the outside looking in. Welcome home. What took you
so long?
Proverbs 23: 6-8 (ESV)
 |
| Courtesy B. Creasy |
Do
not eat the bread of a man who is stingy; do not desire his
delicacies, for he is like one who is inwardly calculating. “Eat
and drink!” he says to you, but his heart is not with you. You will
vomit up the morsels that you have eaten, and waste your pleasant
words.
Proverbs 26: 24 (NIV)
A
malicious man disguises himself with his lips, but in his heart he
harbors deceit.
