Confessions of a Fraidy Cat |
What
goes up must come down including adrenaline. It happened about 8
o'clock last night. I'd run all day with my mind running farther and
faster until it ran out of steam. I haven't been this exhausted since
my first trimester! My body gave up. My mind's throttle is still
racing.
Wanna
bet a lot of my 2:1 friends are feeling the same? As tired as I am, I
can't imagine that some of the sponsors went right from that
conference to the next without going home. I don't know how they are
upright tonight. We all have to learn to pace ourselves. I'm in the
remedial class, I fear.
Even
as I've run myself silly, my mind has been anchored in what my goals
and dreams are in light of last weekend's information bomb. The
fraidy cat has begun to creep in as my adrenaline has waned. It is
just as I feared it would be. In fact, I even predicted it when I
spoke with my dinner companions, Tabitha, Kendra/Andy, and Stacey on
Saturday night.
Courtesy and in Loving Memory of Christina Jones Hooker |
My
fraidy cat has come calling – the one that tells me I dream too big
and reach too far. The one that says my excitement is not contagious
but more like that yippie puppy you love to hate. All day long the
voice has tried to drown out the energy and enthusiasm provided by
new friends and new ideas.
“Pssst.
Who do you think
you are. You are hyper. You talk too much. You don't listen
enough. You'll never catch up to those people. Look at their
blogs. Look at their online platforms. Amazing. Look at
you. You need to tip-toe back to bumpkin-ville where you came from
and forget all this fal-de-ral. Frankly, girl, you embarrass
yourself. You're an embarrassment. You hear me? You're not a techie.
You'll never catch up. Quit while you are ahead!”
Now
that I think of it, maybe that's why I ran so hard after I left the
conference? I was trying to outrun the cat. Here's what I know. He's
a patient one, that one. He is the tortoise to my hare. He knows he
can plod along till I run out of steam and that in my weakest, most
fatigued moments, the battle will be his. I'll give up without a
fight.
Courtesy Mad Penguin Creative |
He
works on me till I begin to talk for him. Who am I to tell you what
to do with your fear, anxiety, depression, and crises of faith? I'm
the one arm wrestling with the good God that I'm writing my way back
too. Before I know it, that fraidy cat and I are giving me a good
going over. My finger twitches over the 'kill switch' that would shut
down my Confessions of a Fraidy Cat Facebook page. Shoulda never got
on that plane to DC. What was I thinking?
What
about you? Have you ever scared yourself to death thinking bigger
thoughts, dreaming bigger dreams, and daring to hope for what seems
to be the unreachable? Oh, I know you have, or you wouldn't have
found your way to my friends and I. So, tonight, let's wage war
together. Tonight I chose to banish the cat, and move forward, even
if my knees are knocking in fear. What about you?
Courtesy A. Hughes |
Let's
take the fear-of-failure cat captive together by remembering a few
pivotal truths. I choose truth over fear tonight. I might need you to
remind me of tonight's courageous choice in the morning. Love you
long and strong. Come back soon? Till then, remember these weapons:
Ephesians 2: 10 (Amplified Bible)
For
we are God's [own] handiwork (His workmanship), recreated in Christ
Jesus, [born anew] that we may do those good works which God
predestined (planned beforehand) for us [taking paths which He
prepared ahead of time], that we should walk in them [living the good
life which He prearranged and made ready for us to live].
2
Corinthians 12: 9 (Amplified Bible)
But
He said to me, My grace (My favor and loving-kindness and mercy) is
enough for you [sufficient against any danger and enables you to bear
the trouble manfully]; for My strength and power are made perfect
(fulfilled and completed) and show themselves most effective in
[your] weakness. Therefore, I will all the more gladly glory in my
weaknesses and infirmities, that the strength and power of Christ
(the Messiah) may rest (yes, may [c]pitch
a tent over and dwell) upon me!
Ephesians
3:20-21 (Amplified Bible)
Courtesy B. Creasy |
Thanks for sharing this! I almost backed out from going to the conference! The underlying them to the conference, however, spoke directly to us! Not to compare ourselves to other blogs and to find joy in our lives! Glad that you were able to come!!!
ReplyDeleteNicole, I'm so sorry we didn't get to meet. I had no idea how the conference would impact my life. I went thinking I'd get a lot of nuts/bolts info, which I did. However, I found the spiritual challenge and encouragement as influential as the technical ones! Look forward to getting to know you and sharing in our journey out of fear-landia together!
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