Sunday, May 15, 2011

A Fraidy Cat Goest to Rehab--Part 2

The last year has been perplexing for reasons I won't go into just now.  Suffice it to say that the sum total of events left me shaken to the core. I became doubtful that I was the person I had always believed myself to be.  Even more alarming, I concluded that God loves YOU but that his jury is still out when he thinks about me! So, I guess you could call this struggle my biggest philosophical crisis since I came to mature faith about 23 yrs ago.

Being the hard headed, take no prisoners gal that I have always been, I decided not to take my discouragement lying down.  Well, I didn't lay down till I just couldn't stand up any more. Rhetorically speaking that is. My battle cry became Genesis 32:28. "Then the man said, 'Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel, because you have struggled with God and with men and have overcome.' "

Not the stereotypical life verse by any means, huh? It just seemed to fit.  Everywhere I looked in my life, there was a struggle with men and with God. I was determined to be like Jacob--the last man standing.  Till I fell down and couldn't get up.  Believe me when I say, it was not as amusing or as sanitized as the commercial on TV with the same dialog. I just didn't have any fight left in me no matter how hard I tried to keep wrestling.

On the darkest day, I reached out to someone whose vision was clearer than mine. She began to walk with me to reclaim the territory of my life. There was even some to re-re-re-reclaim. Territory that I have gained and lost repeatedly over the course of my life. As part of the process, I gave her things to read. One thing quickly led to another when she insisted..ok..demanded...that I apply for a scholarship to an upcoming writer's conference in our area of the country.

The idea was so financially overwhelming that I didn't really think beyond that point. Doing what exceptionally caring brother's do, mine stepped in the gap and booked my registration and accommodations before I knew what hit me and before the scholarship committee could say yea or nay! Next thing you know, away this fraidy cat went on the adventure of her life. Doing the bravest thing she'd ever done. Opening up a creative process to professionals with the power to critique you to ribbons, is akin to jumping off a cliff w/ no 'chute! Funny thing about jumping without a chute...the fraidy cats inside us tend to run away as fast as they can.

I thank you for being intrigued enough to drop by. I hope you will keep coming back to check on my rehab progress. Along the way, maybe you will confront a couple of your own fears. If I only talk about me on these pages, I fear I will win the prize for the most neurotic blog on the web. So, in the days ahead, I plan to introduce you to some folks I've met who have what I think must be uncommon courage. I hope to learn something from them which will help me chase away the fraidy cats in my life. I hope you will too!
See you on the flip side. Leave a comment if you want to. It's lonely here in the quiet of cyberspace!


  1. I"m enjoying reading your blog~I've made some recent changes in my life too, overcoming old fears~some that I didnt' even recognize as fears until recently, but had labeled them as other things to keep from dealing with them :) Outwardly, the changes appear to be small ones, and I suppose they are, but they are big for me :) Maybe I'll be brave enough to post about them at my own blog,

    Hugs to you, CA!

  2. Oops! I see that it says "Rachel" at the top of my comment. I didn't realize I was signed in to Google on my daughter's account~Vicki

  3. thanks, Vicki! I'm trying to figure out just now how to link to your blog. May I do that? If you give me permission, I'll do it as soon as I can. But, today, I'm all tuckered out from mastering the use of a flash drive to send a fax via computer. So, I've used up all my techno-synapses till I get another chocolate infusion!
    Love ya, friend!

  4. Brother was being the hands of Jesus.