Today, I hit the post-writer's conference wall. I woke up sure that I have bitten off more than I can chew. My life seems much too complicated for me to devote enough time to the process it takes to be a 'real' writer. I am overwhelmed before I can get off to a good start. And the sands of fear keep collecting.
I'm afraid I won't be able to build a writing business fast enough. I'm afraid my husband will die before I can support my 13YO and myself and get my 20YO thru college. I'm afraid you won't keep coming back to read my blog or recommend it to others. I'm afraid you'll think I am too spiritual or not spiritual enough. I'm afraid the day-to-day realities of life will drain me of the energy and resolve I found at the conference last week. It is enough to make my head hurt...and it is!
What is a fraidy cat to do? Besides whine on blog paper and hope you'll come read about it? I have decided to get out the shovel and dig at this mound of sandy fear again. This junk is like sand at the beach. It gets in crevices you don't even know you have until you are rubbed raw! Fear rubs you raw. You know that, don't you?
I'm going to think about the interview I did yesterday and begin to frame it for tomorrow's blog entry. I'm going clean 4 rooms and cook a meal. My Apsie kid had an Asperger's Day every minute of our schooling time today,. I'm exhausted before I've even had a chance to think about my big, fat new life as a professional writer! But, I'm going to have a business meeting w/ my older son so that we can continue to work on our business plan.
I don't want to do any of this today. I want to curl up in this chair and take a nap that lasts till tomorrow and start over again then. How 'bout you? What is your paralyzing fear today? Are you at the bottom of a sandy, fear-filled hour glass wondering if you can take another breath much less grab a shovel and dig?
Well, don't just lay there! Start moving! I'm not gonna make all this effort alone am I? It is quiet and lonely out here in cyberspace! Don't leave me out here all alone. Leave a note and tell me that you came by. Tell me about a fear you chased away! Tell a friend about our little community! (Humor me here. I did say “little”!) Link my blog to your f/b wall. Spread the word because, the way I hear it, the world is full of fraidy cats. I just happen to be the one that will talk about it!
Tomorrow, I'm going to introduce you to my friend, Dana. I met her at Startbucks yesterday thinking I was going to talk to her about her journey to adoption and all the fears she navigated during that process. Before I knew it, we were talking about an entirely different set of fears that were much more daunting. They say everyone has a story. I found out she has two!